The Princess Saves Herself in This One

I guess I disappeared off the face of the blogosphere again for a while there. It's been a rough year for the most part. Processing the loss of my mum did a real number on me, and I can't say I've been in a great headspace in those months. 

Do you know how hard it is to work in private health insurance after losing a family member following a major surgery and a lengthy hospital stay? In case the work wasn't emotionally taxing enough, try doing it when at least once every day, at least one customer will tick at least one of the following boxes: 

• They're having the same surgery she had
• They're staying at the same hospital she had her surgery in
• They're staying at the hospital she died in
• They have one of the health conditions she had
• They have the same birthday

The first deceased member call I received after returning to work was from the daughter of someone who had passed away the same week as my mum.

I think it was pretty reasonable for me not to be able to handle working there. I told my team leader I couldn't do it anymore and she offered to switch me to part time indefinitely. I guess that was better than being unemployed. It helped. It made it just that little bit easier not being there every single day. But I knew it was time to move on. 

To further confirm that for me, all of the team leaders I loved moved on to new roles. When the last one I really liked left, I was heartbroken. I try to be happy for them all, because I knew they were moving on to better things. Then, as if the universe knew I needed an out, I got a phonecall from a friend. Said friend was one of my minions fellow editors on the student magazine back at uni. His workplace had a sales/admin job opening and he just wanted to let me know in case I wanted to apply—he knew I hated the private health insurance call centre. 

Now, the idea of working in sales had terrified me up until that point, but I made up my mind that I had to take this chance to get out of the call centre. 

And I did. Interview one week. New job the next week. And you know what? I actually really love this new job. It's so refreshing to have a change of scenery and to be working with a small company (like, less than 10 employees). I don't hate going to work every day. It isn't emotionally taxing to take a phonecall. It gives me space from my mourning. It has made everything a lot easier to deal with. I notice myself feeling drastically better. I'm lucky my friend thought of me when the job came up and I needed an out. But I'm so glad that I decided to actually give it a shot. 

Which brings me to today. I went to my local Dymocks with a friend and a book caught my eye: The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace. It was a story told in prose and poetry of the author growing up, experiencing traumatic things, having a bad relationship with her mother, losing her mother unexpectedly (along with other family members) but ultimately ... well, the title is pretty indicative of the ending, eh? 

It was so simply written, yet the prose were beautiful. A little cliche at times, but so is life. The pages said things that hit me hard, like the part where she finds the last book her mother was reading before she died and realises that her mother will never get to finish that book. I did that too when I unpacked my mum's hospital bag and it wrecked me. Lovelace wrote about anger and trauma and it made me want to cry, but then she'd write something that would make me want to laugh. It was an awesome combination of writing grief and trauma and angry feminism (all things that are relevant to me in various aspects of my life right now) and it was exactly what I needed. It was validating to say the least. 

I think I have ranted and rambled enough here for the moment. Let's see how long it takes me to make another post. 

Official website!

Last week, I finished setting up my official website for freelance editing. I'm pretty excited. I set up a custom domain name and fiddled around with the design template until I was happy with the way it looked. And now it's live! Check it out:

bonneecrawfordediting.com.au

I'm hoping other people like it as much as I do. Setting up this freelance gig has been a really healthy distraction from the terrible end to 2017, while I try to push myself back into a normal routine. In other words, I've put a lot of effort into this and I think it will pay off.

The most exciting part of all has been working with my first client. Her novella is amazing and we are having a great time fine-tuning the structure and content.

I'll keep things short and leave it at that for now. I hope everyone out there in the blogosphere is doing well with their writing, revising, editing, new years resolutions ... And whatever other goals you are currently pursuing.

Peace out!
- Bonnee.

When it Rains it Pours

Whoever made up that saying, 'When it rains, it pours' ... Well, they weren't kidding. 2017 ended with a crash and a whimper, but for context let me take you back ... 

My mum had been struggling with her health all year. She'd had weeks off work with bronchitis, she'd had a weight loss surgery in August, found out she had chronic liver failure, she'd developed serious lymphadima in her legs, and gone into hospital with a cellulitis infection. We didn't think it could get much worse. But it did.

My mother was admitted to hospital in mid November because she suddenly experienced acute multiple organ failure. She spent four weeks in Intensive Care with some of the most wonderful, kind and compassionate doctors in the world. She passed away peacefully in her sleep two weeks before Christmas.

My sister and I organised a funeral and we spent a very solemn Christmas with our aunties.

It still doesn't feel real. But then it hits me all at once.

I was hoping for 2018 to be better but do far the odds are not in my favour. The only good thing that's come of this is that I found a healthy distraction from the sorrow. I set myself up for freelance editing--something I'd mentioned to my mum early last year and she'd been nagging me to hurry up and do it ever since.

So that has been a crappy few months. I'm hoping everyone else's Christmas / New Year / Holiday Season was better.

I'm going to try and be more active here again and hopefully I'll think of something more uplifting for my next post.

Much love,
Bon.

Click Save

I made myself soooooo mad this week by being an absolute dumbarse. Now I must share this frustration with you.

I got a good couple of lines of poetry stuck in my brain one night and saved it in the notes on my phone so that I wouldn't forget. So far, so good.

At work the next day, there was a bit of idle time between calls so I thought I'd have a crack at making something from the two lines I'd thought of. Now, for some dumb reason Google Docs, Drive and Gmail got blocked at my work a couple of months back even though all the contractors like me have a work email THROUGH GMAIL. Anyway, I'm used to using Google Docs if I'm writing in a browser, but I had to find something else to use since it was blocked at work. I ended up settling on Calmly Writer, which I kinda love.

I put together a couple of stanzas I was happy with (I won't say it was good, I'm sure it was terrible). And then the phones got busy so I minimised the browser and forgot about it. Then at the end of my shift, I closed the browser out of habit ...

Without saving the damn poetry.

I realised my mistake, but alas, it was too late. This app does not auto-save like Google Docs. My (terrible) poetry was gone. 

In memory of writing lost, please share your saving failures and tales of writing long gone.

Review: 'Ida' by Alison Evans

I'm trying to get back into reading things. I seem to 'stop reading for a long time' too often, and I really need to cut that out. The book I've finished most recently is actually by someone I went to uni with. Ida is the debut novel of the wonderful Alison Evans, who I initially met in my first year of uni (I believe they were doing Honours at that point) at an open mic reading night and then never saw again ... until later that same year, when we started talking on the NaNoWriMo forums, which lead to messaging each other privately to continue our discussion, not realising that we'd met previously until we'd been talking for a week or two.

Ida was a roller-coaster to read. In terms of genre, it is best described as queer sci-fi YA/New Adult. Admittedly, I haven't experienced much queer literature before, and I haven't been a sci-fi reader until recently. So this book was refreshing to say the least. The main character, Ida, has the power to go back in time ... or so she thinks. She uses this power to get herself out of sticky or confronting scenarios, make different choices to achieve different outcomes, and does it almost automatically in certain situations. But she's starting to notice that her powers aren't quite what she thought they were, and she isn't as alone in her abilities as she first believed. But the excessive use of her powers has started having drastic repercussions, and they need to be remedied before it's too late. 

I really loved the way the book was written, especially the description of each time Ida uses her powers. The setting had me smiling to myself the whole time; the book is set in the Dandenong Ranges area, where I love to go for bushwalks in real life. It also includes a trip into Melbourne city and the National Gallery of Victoria. I haven't really read anything set so close to home and the familiarity was really enjoyable the whole way through. It also made me realise that what little reading I do does not include enough books by Australian authors, which is something I want to fix. 

Something else I really loved about the book was the natural incorporation of diversity. I felt it was a very accurate representation of the Melbourne-diversity that I know and love, especially in terms of race, gender identity and sexuality. I loved that these points of diversity were so masterfully woven into the text, rather than treating it like a big deal that the main character is bisexual or that her love interest is genderqueer. I love that this book wasn't about their diversity. It was about the things going on in the lives of these characters, just like with any other book. I love that Ida normalises that idea and I wish more books did. 

Ida was a perfect balance of funny, serious, and a little bit scary. Although my favourite quote was about the main character being able to emotionally relate to a lemon, I promise that while it made me laugh, it was also VERY STRESSFUL because I was really worried about the fate of the characters. So if you're in the mood for a book by an Australian author, full of suspense, spookiness, and great characters, look for Ida by Alison Evans. 

That's me for now. What have you been reading lately?

Mother! Rantview

I recently went to a cinema screening of the film Mother! directed by Darren Aronofsky, starring Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem and I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

It was an interesting film to watch. I saw it with another writer friend on a whim and my only knowledge of the film was a short trailer I'd seen the week before. Conceptually, it was phenomenal. I get why a lot of mainstream movie-goers wouldn't like it; it's very out there and seems to have been promoted as a thriller without an art house-style disclaimer. But for me, a writer with a literary theory fetish, it was intriguing.

Jennifer Lawrence plays a woman who has rebuilt the wreckage of her lover's house from the literal ashes. Her lover, played by Javier Bardem, is a poet caught in the clutches of severe writers block. Easy for my friend and I to relate to at the start. They seem to occupy a fragile paradise, but one night a man knocks on their door claiming he thought it was a bed and breakfast. The audience sees a glimmer of how fucked up the dynamics between these characters is when the poet invites this stranger to stay without consulting his partner and despite her very obvious discomfort.

After a strange night, the stranger's wife shows up. She's a nosey bitch to say the least, presumptuous and disrespectful towards Jennifer Lawrence's character in an almost deliberate fashion. Things get messier quickly after she arrives, with she and her husband entering the poet's study in secret and accidentally breaking something very precious. Then it escalates. Like, their kids suddenly show up and someone is murdered kind of escalating. And my god does it enter the territory of surrealism after that.

I don't want to just give a recap of the film. It was good and I think it's worth watching. What I want to do is explain the feelings I had about it. First, that I loved it. The acting was great. The cinematography was exceptional. It was thematically complex and engaging. On the surface, it was a film about a couple who had their fragile paradise disturbed by strangers and the burdens they brought. It was about the tension that created and the way that played on their relationship and the poet's writers block. Deeper down, we get a subtext about the idea of the writer as The Creator. We get a feel of the writer's ego when the poet overcomes his writers block and creates something beautiful. But he is also the dictator and the supposedly higher being of the world of the film.

And this is the part that really got to me. The film was sensational. I really enjoyed it. For the most part. But it got under my skin for one reason. Throughout the film, it was painfully obvious that the poet held a complete disregard for the safety and wellbeing of Jennifer Lawrence's character. As did every other character. But the way the poet treated her ... with such disregard, such carelessness, and such undeserving entitlement ... that was sickening. And it got worse and worse as the film went on.

The part that really got to me was when they were arguing and she challenged him, 'You can't even fuck me', after enduring endless criticism from the strangers who stayed with them about not having children. It got to me because in response he pins her again a wall and starts passionately kissing her. And her initial response was to push him away. She didn't want him to get intimate with her at that point. She was angry and had every right to be. But then the anger melts away, after her attempts at resistance prove futile. The anger melts away and they make love.

This pisses me off. A lot. Because not only is it a cliche, it is also a cliche that promotes sexual violence. I'm sick of seeing films and tv shows and reading books where someone starts making out with someone against their will, and then it turns it into a steamy, beautiful moment of love. It's not romantic. It's fucking abusive. And it validates the same type of underhanded abuse that gets played out in the real world. 

Mother! was impressive and enthralling in it's thematic content, acting, and cinematic direction. And I can deal with being labelled one of those arseholes who likes art house films. It was a weird film, but I liked it. But I cannot get past this shortcoming. I cannot get past the idea that there is no redemption, no saving grace following the excessive violence and disrespect towards Jennifer Lawrence's character, but a feeble illusion of one I could see right through. It did nothing for me. And others can argue as much as they want that 'oh, it was making a point about the patriarchy' and 'but it was an allegory about how people treat the earth' and 'there was a biblical subtext'. There was also an inherently violent, sexist subtext. And while it did not portray it in a positive light, it also offered no solution. It did not overcome the problem it highlighted.

People describe it as 'confronting' and then justify it using the subtext about creative people and egos and the way people treat mother earth. But this excuses nothing. It doesn't make this behaviour okay, even in a film. It's aweful. And I do not have to be okay with it just because it was otherwise a good movie.

I apologise for this rant, especially for anyone who hasn't seen the film yet. I needed to get some rage off my chest.

A long way to the top

I've been pretty down the last few months (by which I mean, since 2017 began). Between toxic people in my life and the struggles of securing a job in the arts industry when you've just graduated, it's been a tough time. I've reached out for help, and kicked myself into gear to try to get out of the slump. Slowly, it's been working. I managed to remove some of the more toxic people from my day to day life and I started to find some validity in my job, even if it isn't in my preferred industry. But some bigger things needed to change, so I got thinking, and I've made some bigger decisions.

I chose to take a break from university. I withdrew from the one unit I was enrolled in a week before the census date so that it wouldn't affect my academic record. I can take this break for up to twelve months, but to be perfectly honest ... I have no intention of completing the Masters I am enrolled in. Although half of it was credited on account of my Honours degree, it was still going to take me two years to complete what was left at the pace I was going. Frankly, it seems to be a repeat of my undergrad, with perhaps a little extra detail and longer essays. In the long run, I don't think the stress or the student debt is worthwhile unless I'm taking away something more. After my twelve month intermission, I might do a course transfer into communications or marketing--IF I choose to continue study. Masters was never part of my plan, so I am not upset at the idea of dropping it altogether. It doesn't feel like quitting. It isn't. It just wasn't supposed to be from the start and maybe that's okay. I guess the only reason I didn't outright withdraw from the course was because I can still work on the student magazine as long as I keep my place in a course, even if I'm not enrolled in a unit.

I started teaching myself a little bit of design. I've never been able to get the hang of Adobe programs like Photoshop or InDesign, so I thought I'd try something a little more basic. I created a free account with Canva online and I've been experimenting with magazine designs using some of their pre-made templates and articles saved on my laptop from editing with WORDLY. Just for practice, of course, until I get the hang of it. One of my friends who is a bit of a designer herself gave me some really positive feedback on the attempt I showed her. We might start a little zine together, just for fun. I'm hoping that with a bit of practice using Canva, I'll be able to upgrade to InDesign and actually be able to include it as a skill on my resume; it's something a lot of the jobs I've been looking at want from their applicants.

I also intend to apply for an ABN (Australian Business Number) really soon, so that I can start freelance editing, and maybe freelance writing. I don't really know how that will go, considering how competitive and small the industry is in Australia. But hopefully, with a few testimonials and a domain name, I'll be able to get the idea off the ground. I know it's going to be an uphill battle, but I'd rather try and try and try than sit back and let myself be miserable at a call centre forever.

And of course, I need to start looking for a job in my field, at least until I can get freelancing to work for me (and I know there's no guarantee that will happen). Because, again, I have to try to make my dreams come true rather than sit back and let myself be miserable at a call centre forever.

Granted, the call centre isn't so bad when I put aside the fact that it's not the industry I did a degree to end up in, and I feel like I've gotten a really good grip on what I'm doing there recently. I've had a lot of good feedback from the members who call in, especially for cover reviews and hospital enquiries. Private health insurance is complicated, but I'm being told that I'm good at explaining how it all works and being thorough in the information I give. It still makes me feel pretty good when they take a moment to genuinely thank me at the end of a long call. It makes it worthwhile to endure all the people who call up just to yell at someone for no real reason ... I only wish the pay was a little more substantial.

How do you deal with the struggles of making it as a writer or editor? What decisions did you have to make to try and make things work? 

Spreadsheets for life

Although I predominantly work with Microsoft Word as a writer and editor, I'm surprised by how often I end up using Excel spreadsheets. I started using them to organise submissions for WORDLY when I was editor-in-chief and used it on Verandah when I was submissions manager and secretary. It was an excellent way to keep track of things--who submitted what, their contact details, how many editors gave feedback, which editors were assigned to which piece and at which stage, whether or not editing tasks were completed  ... I had a beautiful colour coded list system going on to keep track of everything in one place.

I kinda miss the mayhem of putting those spreadsheets together. I miss the satisfaction and relief of entering that last set of submission details or colour coding the final green box to signify that all the edits were complete.

I have stayed in the habit of using spreadsheets to keep track of rent and utility bills from month to month, which is especially important in a share house like mine. But for a little while now I've been wanting to find a way to incorporate it back into my writing and editing life.

Recently, I did a little clean up of my laptop. I deleted many dank memes and screen shots ... and I stumbled upon some really old stuff I wrote way back in high school. Gosh, some of it was terrible.  But once I got my dedicated writing folder organised and separated the scrap pile from things that had potential, I decided to take an extra step and make a spreadsheet.

I'm going to use this spreadsheet to record writing opportunities and keep track of my submission habits. More importantly, I'm going to use the spreadsheet to make a habit of submitting and holding myself accountable when I don't. The spreadsheet is also going to help me keep track of the submissions--when they're under consideration, being edited, rejected, accepted and published. There's often such a long time between submitting and hearing back that sometimes I forget what I've sent out and where. 

I have been a terribly lazy writer lately. I'm hoping this will help to kick my creative juices into gear.

How do you motivate yourself to write? 

Bonnee.

Weekend Blues

I've got a case of the weekend blues that started on Friday morning, when I woke up to the news that Linkin Park's lead singer Chester Bennington had taken his own life. Admittedly, I hadn't listened to any of their music for a long time, but a few years ago a number of their songs were the anthem of an angry, stifled, rebellious teenage me, who was still trying to figure out how the hell she was supposed to fit into this world. Songs like 'Numb', 'In the End', and 'One Step Closer' were the tunes I turned to in my darkest hours, the ones I blasted through my headphones when I wanted to block out the rest of the world. Chester's voice resided on a playlist of other loud, angry music on my iPod, and on a mixed tape my first boyfriend made for me. I stood in the crowd in front of their stage at Soundwave in 2013, surrounded by people who were too tall for me to really see past, but we were all singing along.

All day on Friday, I read posts from other bands paying tribute to Chester and urge anyone who was struggling to reach out and talk to someone, anyone, because suicide is not the answer. My heart feels heavy just thinking about this.

I've been trying to make an effort to list three positive things at the end of every day to help keep my mood in check. It's worth doing just to make sure I'm not always focusing on the bad things, even though they often seem more frequent and severe than the good. I've been doing it for about two weeks now, but on Friday, after dealing with Rest in Peace posts all day, I really struggled to find three good things to list about that day. I ended up trying to focus on the simple, small things that made the day a little brighter: I had a rostered day off work, I went for a long walk in the nearby park lands, and my partner came home early from work.

Though I am saddened by Chester's passing, once we acknowledge the tragedy and urge others who are suffering in silence to reach out for help, and offer condolences to those who knew him ... I would rather celebrate his life, the greatness he achieved, and the amazing music he shared with us, than only remember him as a man who hung himself.

This weekend, I am listening to Linkin Park even though I haven't done so in a couple of years. I'm also thinking about Chester, the pain he must have been in, the way he must have felt and the things he must have thought in the time leading up to his passing. I turned to this man's voice in some of my darkest moments because those lyrics rang true to me, like this stranger understood how I felt. I wish there was something, anything I could have offered in return to help him too.

Writing prompt: there is no exit

I stumbled upon a flash fiction challenge over on Chuck Wendig's blog and thought it might be a good opportunity for me to try and kick my creative juices into gear. So here it goes ... this one is based on an experience I had a couple of years ago. 

Prompt: there is no exit. 

The sound as I slid into the back of the Nissan was not as deafening as I had expected. I tried to change lanes at the last second, when I realised the wet road wouldn’t allow me to stop in time, but the decision to yank my steering wheel to the left occurred a moment too late. Thunk. My little Daewoo stalled. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, sinking into my seat. I pressed the button for my hazard lights. The traffic on the Ringwood Bypass continued to flow around me while I restarted the engine and pulled off the road.

The Nissan driver was a middle aged man and his wife was the passenger. In case I didn’t feel awful enough after crashing into their vehicle, the first thing they did was open the boot to make sure the two dogs they were transporting were okay. Thankfully, their fur-babies were fine. I was still overcome with guilt.

They were friendly enough, assuring me it happens to everyone, we’re all lucky it wasn’t a serious prang, do I have insurance, blah blah blah. We took photos of each other’s licenses and number plates and of the damage on both cars. I’d pushed in the back left corner of the Nissan with the front right corner of my Daewoo. The driver of the other car put his hand in the gap between the wheel and the body and pushed the dent back out—only some chipped paint remained as evidence that their car had been damaged. My Daewoo was worse off … the front headlight was smashed, loose pieces of glass and plastic still finding its way onto the bitumen. The right side of the bonnet had buckled and the forward side panel was pinching the driver’s door, so it only opened enough for me to squeeze in and out.

We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to call it a day. It was starting to rain again and there was no point standing around. The Nissan drove off and I called the friends I was meant to meet for lunch and explained that I couldn’t make it, even though our meeting place was two blocks away from where I was stopped. I thought about calling to get my car towed; the engine might still start, but the car was far from roadworthy with a busted headlight and a door that wouldn’t open properly. But that meant sitting and waiting and paying—and then what? I just wanted to go home.

I got myself onto the bypass again and headed back towards Eastlink. I wasn’t familiar with the area, but damned if I was going to touch my GPS after the cash. I’d been following my GPS’s directions on the way to lunch, but it had detached itself from my windscreen and fallen into the passenger’s foot well. I’d yanked it onto the passenger’s seat next to me as quickly as I could, but in the rush of the moment I hadn’t heard the instruction the GPS’s robotic voice uttered. I glanced at the screen to see the arrow telling me to turn right at the upcoming intersection. What a stupid thing to do. In that split second of looking at the GPS screen on the passenger’s seat, the traffic ahead came to a stop. I looked back up in time to slam my foot on the breaks and at first, I thought everything would be fine. But the road was wet and oily and my little Daewoo slid further than I thought she would—right into the back of that Nissan.

No, I told myself. No more GPS today. Once I was on the freeway, it would be easy to get home. At least, that’s what I’d hoped. But as I approached Elgar Road, inbound on the M3, I had an awful realisation—there was no exit. I saw the ramp from Elgar Road coming down to merge with the freeway, and the outbound traffic had a ramp to exit onto Elgar Road. But from the inbound lanes, there was no ramp to exit onto that road.

I regretted not setting up my GPS for the drive home.

A few Ks down the freeway, I spotted the exit to Belmore Road and took the turnoff. I still wasn’t familiar with the area, but I knew it was closer to where I lived than the freeway. After a few wrong turns, I found a street I recognised and made it home. The Daewoo sputtered sadly into the garage and the driver’s door made an awful sound when I tried to close it. I would have to call RACV later. I went up to my room and flopped down on my bed, defeated. 

Old words in a new world

My partner and I were recently discussing how people continue to use words and phrases that no longer apply to the context they're used in. For example, I know a lot of people who would say something like 'I saw a film on the weekend', even though most movies use digital cameras instead of film these days. 

We were driving to the shopping centre at the time of this discussion and another example we thought of was 'wind down the window'. Newer cars have electric controls to press instead of a manual window winder.

There's something charming about using old words to continue describing things that have outgrown the meaning of the words we use. Or maybe I'm just nostalgic. I'm sure there's a term for words like this but admittedly I do not know it.

Can you think of any examples?

-Bonnee

App review: Tide

I've had a lot of trouble concentrating, unwinding, and sleeping as of late. Especially after work when I'm supposed to find time to study or be creative (or send out applications to get a job in my field). Last weekend, I decided to check out what free apps I could get on my phone to help me relax or concentrate and I stumbled upon a little gem.

Tide: Stay focused, be peaceful
It's such a simple app and I found it very user friendly. Tide incorporates calming background tracks such as rain or peaceful music with the Pomodoro technique to encourage focus, productivity, and relaxation. The description only talks about it being supported on iPhones, but I have a Samsung and can confirm it works just fine.

The Pomodoro technique (which I had not heard of before downloading this app) was created in the 1980s and was traditionally used to break work into 25 minute intervals with short breaks in between (thanks for your help, Wikipedia). Of course, people like to have options and something I think other users might find appealing about this app is the ability to alter the length of focus intervals and breaks to suit your needs. Tide also lets you set a daily 'Focus Goal' and track your daily focus achievements. Want to study for an hour? Two hours? Eight hours?? Set your goal and the app will add up your focus sessions as you go.

Look at that pretty logo!

I think the visual design of Tide is gorgeous. When you open the app, you'll be greeted by a description of the time of day (e.g. afternoon, dusk, evening) overlaying a simple but peaceful background image. The little 'Start' button sits there, ready to begin timing the first focus session whenever you are. And you get a nice little quote each day, too.

Once you press 'Start'? Choose your background sounds. Tide automatically begins to play the sound of the ocean gently lapping the shore, but swipe across to the next panel for some gentle rain, forest sounds, a soft and slow piano track (called 'Muse'), or some cafe background noise. I'm personally not a fan of the cafe track, but I guess some people are into that. 'Rain' and 'Muse' are my favourites. But as I mentioned earlier, people like to have options, and in case these five weren't enough, you can opt to turn off the white noise tracks and do your focus sessions in silence.

I've been using this app predominantly for unwinding before bed and rocking myself to sleep, which is probably why I favour the 'Rain' and 'Muse' tracks. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately and my GP suggested trying to incorporate some meditation and other relaxation techniques into my 'getting ready for bed' ritual. I did complete a few focus sessions earlier in the week with 'Ocean' and 'Forest' too, while I was updating my LinkedIn profile and putting together job applications. I left the focus sessions on 25 minute intervals with 5 minute breaks and I think it's the perfect amount of time. Each time I started the timer and got to work, I told myself I wasn't allowed to look at my phone for a while--and when I did go to pick it up, it was within seconds of the focus session ending.

Tide gets a five star rating from me and I'm glad I discovered it this week.

Do you have any little gem apps you'd like to share? 

Alien: Covenant Review

My partner and I went on a spontaneous movie date on the weekend and decided to see Alien: Covenant. I haven't seen all of the Alien films so far, but I saw Prometheus in cinemas and enjoyed the snippets of the other films that I've seen.

Alien: Covenant starts on a philosophical note, with a throw-back to the creation of David, the synthetic who was on board the Prometheus. Cut to Covenant, a space vessel on a cross-galaxy expedition to settle a colony on a far-away planet, were Walter is overseeing the day-to-day upkeep of the ship while the crew and colonists are in cryosleep. An unforeseen emergency requires the crew to suddenly wake up and thus begins the action. There is death before we even see any aliens, and although the audience doesn't get the chance to form a bond with the deceased crew member, we do start caring about the crew mates left behind as they deal with the sudden loss.

Amidst grieving and repairing the ship, the crew picks up a rogue signal from a nearby planet that looks potentially inhabitable and go in for a closer look; they are excited by the prospect of reaching a planet to colonize, as their original target is still 7 years away. A portion of the crew takes a lander vessel down and soon enough, the audience picks up signs of danger that the characters are oblivious to. After losing half of the ground crew to aliens (in both classic burst-out-of-your-body and maul-the-fuck-outta-you styles), the remaining handful are seemingly rescued by David, the synthetic from the Prometheus, which disappeared ten years early.

Naturally, the audience should be suspicious of David, as he tells an overly simplistic tail to explain the fate of the Prometheus crew. He's a little too curious about the colony mission and details like how many colonists the Covenant is transporting. I felt that the newly made captain Oram gave up this information a little too easily and could have exercised better caution in the presence of this stranger. The relationship David tries to forge with the Covenant's synthetic, Walter, is creepy at best and there are alarm bells going off left, right, and centre that David is up to something. The fact that both of the synthetics are played by Michael Fassbender (who does an excellent job, by the way) makes the audience more and more distrustful and we do double-takes in every scene where they both appear. Will David get Walter on board with his insidious plans? Will they do a good ol' switcheroo?

One of the highlights of the film for me was when David recites 'Ozymandias' in front of Walter. This is accompanied by a revelation of some of David's horrific actions between arriving on this planet and the arrival of the Covenant crew. Amidst this discussion of creation and perfection, Walter asks David who wrote 'Ozymandias', and David wrongly attributes the poem to Lord George Gordon Byron. The dynamics between David and Walter were certainly my favourite part of the film.

The death-tally shot up as the movie drew to a close and sure enough there was a false sense of security before more and more danger was revealed. But I won't spoil the ending. I liked it, so you should go watch it and make your own judgments on the juicy details.

Have you seen Alien: Covenant yet? What did you think? 
- Bonnee.

A Review or Two (or Three)

It's been a while since I posted so I thought I'd share some thoughts on recent viewings. Warning: these reviews definitely contain spoilers. 

1. Attack on Titan is back! At long last fans are sinking their teeth into the long awaited season 2. I think I need to re-watch the first season to refresh my memory because it has been SO LONG. The new season kicks off flawlessly from where the previous season ended and didn't miss a beat, but in classic Attack on Titan style, the new episodes raise more questions than they answer. Things are fast-paced and tense and I have spent every episode so far fearing for each character's life (I was so scared for Sasha in the episode she featured in). After the big reveal about Ymir in the most recent episode, we're all taking guesses on which beloved character will be revealed to be a titan next. My friends and I are all in agreement over one thing; the beast titan makes us very, very uncomfortable and it has way too much power and autonomy for a titan. I am eager for the next episode, but I am sure this season will end all too soon.

2. I saw Guardians of the Galaxy 2 on Sunday night with my partner and some friends from uni (triple date!). I loved the first Guardians movie, but I have learned not to put too much faith in sequels. It wasn't terrible, but it nowhere near lived up to the first movie. Some of the humour was uncomfortably forces, even for satire, and there wasn't enough time devoted to building relationships between the characters, especially Peter and Ego. I did love the heavier themes the film touched on, such as the discovery that Ego had spawned many children in an attempt to create another being who could harness the power of a Celestial, and the fate all those who came before Peter had met. And a well-deserved audible gasp went to the revelation that he had given Peter's mother the tumour that ended her life. Yondu's character development and heroic redemption at the end was heartbreaking and brilliant and I can't pick a favourite character between him and Drax.

3. My partner's parents got us tickets to see the musical The Book of Mormon for Christmas and our session was earlier this week. Great seats, not far from the front, but by God the Princess Theatre needs to renovate--it's a mile drop into your fold-down chair and you may as well introduce yourself to anyone who needs to get past you to get to their own seat because you can't fit two people past each other without rubbing up the whole length of each other. It is uncomfortable to say the least. But the show itself: that was spectacular. A satirical musical about Mormon Missionaries in Uganda, it pokes honest fun at evangelism and cultural stigmas alike, with songs like 'Hello' and 'Hasa Diga Eebowai'. The cultural stigma related humour was especially uncomfortable, but the musical was unapologetic in its portrayal of confronting matters, illustrating the uselessness of slamming religion down the throats of those trying to deal with horrific circumstances when it doesn't help in any material sense. However, the conclusion which saw the Ugandan villagers find hope in Elder Arnold Cunningham's ... imaginative retelling of The Book of Mormon, based on metaphors involving frogs and Star Wars references, indicated that in times of need people are capable of opening up to advice they wouldn't normally take if they think it might help them through. In this case, the production ended with a reprise of the opening song, 'Hello', but instead of preaching The Book of Mormon, the characters were sharing The Book of Arnold. Overall, quite enjoyable and I haven't been to the theatre in far too long.

I hope you enjoyed these little reviews. Have you seen Attack on Titan, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, or The Book of Mormon? What were your thoughts? 

Inner Editor

In my current call centre job, I am not doing the things I wanted to be doing post-degree. But little editing things keep finding their way into my job. 

Last week, one of the girls was trying to find a customer's record and they told her they had a hyphenated surname. She placed them on hold and leaned over to ask me, 'Is this one a hyphen?'

She was using an apostrophe. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

When I showed her where the hyphen was on the keyboard, she said 'But that one is a dash!' I explained that hyphens are a type of dash and forced myself not to talk about en-dashes and em-dashes. Not everyone I interact with is an editor with extensive knowledge of punctuation standards, and that's okay. If it wasn't,  the job I am searching for would not exist.

The second thing at work I keep thinking about is how poorly worded some of our communications letters are. We keep getting confused customers ringing in because 'What do you mean I won't be covered after *insert date*?!' No, no, it just means that is when you are paid up until, you'll be covered after that as long as you pay your next bill. Sorry for the confusion. 

The new year at university kicks in this coming week and I am taking the editing unit online while I work. I guess I have made the right choice in doing that unit first, and hopefully I can get a job that utilises my editing skills properly sooner rather than later. 

How are you all going? 

- Bonnee.

Research and search and search

Week four of my new full time job at a call center has come to a close, and the weekend is leaving no room for rest. The job is nothing glamorous, but also not so stressful once you push past the initial anxiety of dealing with customers over the phone. It's still exhausting, staring at the computer screen all day and getting used to the hours after the summer of unemployment. The people I work with are the best part of the job though. I think I'm really lucky to have ended up as part of a such a diverse, friendly bunch of co-workers. The management team are all pretty cool too. 

The research paper I have been working on is due on 1st March. Do you think my eyes have had the capacity to stay open after work, not to mention focus on words, which my sleepy head then has to try to string together and make sense of? (Hint: the answer is no.) Nevertheless, I've had to kick myself back into gear on the research front this week while my co-writer and I redraft and add to what we have. Less than two weeks to go. My least-favourite part of this is referencing. I'm a natural at Harvard, and my co-writer is fluent in MLA, which means we've both been referencing as we write. The publication we're submitting to uses Chicago notes and bib style, so we have to do a referencing overhaul soon. 

Meanwhile, I'm searching for time to do other things. Especially reading and writing. And socialising. I miss my friends, and the ease of meeting up when we didn't have conflicting work rosters. I had a chance to catch up with a few of them a couple of weeks ago at a book launch. A friend from uni, who is currently doing their PhD, had a novel published through Echo Publishing at the start of this year. I've managed to squeeze in the first few chapters, and can already tell you it's a great read. Go pick up a copy of Ida by Alison Evans! Now! 

Shortly, I will also be searching for a new place to rent, as the lease for the shoe box I'm currently residing in is ending in a few months. There is no way are we sticking around for another year to see if it will fall on us. The landlord has already given notice that the house is going to be demolished in the coming years and they're going to subdivide the property instead. I wonder where I'll find time to go to house inspections and move my stuff. 

What have you been researching/searching for this week? 

Bonnee. 

2016: A Year in Short Reviews

A bit late to the table, but I thought it would be nice to do a wrap-up of the books I read (or tried to read) in 2016, specifically because I finished two of them just this month.

Never Let Me Go / Kazuo Ishiguro

Status: incomplete

I was supposed to read this for a class in first trimester, but I never got around to finishing it because I was house-hunting/moving and chose a different text for my main assignment. From what little I read, I want to restart it and finish it in my own time. There was some interesting characterisation and the text dealt with some pretty heavy topics (organ-farming, anyone?).

Black and White / David Macaulay

Status: finished (more than once!)

Another one for class. I love a good picture book. This was so clever, and every time I re-read it I would notice new things. I think it's one of the most fun picture books I've ever read as far as piecing the different components of the story together goes.

One Hundred Demons / Lynda Barry

Status: incomplete

I focused on specific parts of this graphic novel, again for class. This example of 'autobifictionalography' consists of segments of the author's life which deal with personal demons. Again, some very heavy topics were covered and I cried at some point when reading the section called 'Resilience' after it struck a little too close to home. This is another one I want to go back and read in its entirety in my own time.

The Turning / Tim Winton

Status: complete

Another one for class. This is a collection of short stories by an Australian author, exploring the turning points in the lives on its characters. Exploring themes of love, loss, betrayal, and family (just to name a few), it was really interested to see how the characters were connected from one story to the next. Once again, heavy themes (I hated reading it at times).

Plains of Promise / Alexis Wright

Status: complete

For class, again. Another Australian story, this time by an Indigenous author. This novel traces the horrific treatment of Aboriginal people by white colonists, starting with St Dominic's Mission and a girl named Ivy. Along with the explicit depictions of racism, the novel also deals with suicide, sexual abuse, and the loss of identity. It also gave insight into Aboriginal spirituality and the meaning of family and community. As a decedent of European settlers, I tried my best to read this with an open mind, and I am deeply ashamed to think that the story depicted was likely true for many First Nation people (and, at least to an extent, still is).

The Dressmaker / Rosalie Ham

Status: complete

I started reading this one late in 2015 after watching the film, starring Kate Winslet and Liam Hemsworth. The book is vastly different to the film, more than I was anticipating. To be honest, I didn't like it. The writing felt disjointed and while it dealt with heavy themes, it made me cringe in a way that made me decide I wasn't happy with how those themes were dealt with. However, it was very well researched and the book gave detailed insight into the specifics of fabrics, fashion styles, and sewing, which the movie couldn't communicate in the same way. I powered through and finally finished it this month, but overall it was just okay.

Illuminae: The Illuminae Files_01 / Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Status: complete

My bestie secretly told my bf that he should buy it for me and I came home one day to find a hardcover copy sitting on my desk and I freaked out a little. I had been looking forward to it since I saw one of the authors talking about it at a writers event earlier in the year. I dug into it as soon as I finished my Honours thesis and finished it a week or so ago. Oh. My. God. Please go and read this book. 

When megacorporation BeiTech attempts to eliminate a competitor, a planet on the edge of the universe is targeted and a fleet of survivors consisting of three space vessels make an escape, with the enemy ship, the Lincoln, in hot pursuit. The story follows Kady (aboard the Hypatia) and Ezra (aboard the Alexander) as the fleet tries to reach safety and outrun the Lincoln. But a plague has broken out on the third space vessel, the Copernicus, the AI that controls the Alexander has gone rogue, and the Lincoln is hot on their tail. Uh-oh! But wait; there's more! This novel dares to push the medium, serving up the story in a dossier of interview transcripts, IMs, emails, military docs, medical docs, diary entries, and surveillance footage summaries (among other things). Overall, it's a rollercoaster, and I loved it. Cannot wait to read the sequel.

It wasn't the most dedicated year of reading for me, and admittedly I never get around to reading as much as I want to. But I hope these little summaries will make you add something to your reading list.

Have you read any of these books? 

Bonnee.

The Great Escape

I was having one of those days yesterday where everything was just overwhelming and I was too agitated and anxious to get anything productive done. Job searching, writing a research paper, editing—take your pick, yesterday it was too hard.

After refreshing my Facebook feed more times than I care to admit, and staring at a blank document for too long, I decided to find something to distract myself. I was about halfway through reading Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff and quite enjoying it, but I hadn't picked it up for a while.

Sure enough, within a few pages, I was feeling much calmer. Less restless. Lost in the pages while watching a certain Astro-Princess be awesome while an AI dropped a heavy as hell plot twist.

It's a really interesting book and it really pushes the medium. The story is mostly composed of transcripts, chat logs, and reports, with a few other bits and pieces thrown in which I won't specify in case of spoilers. Up until that hella plot twist, it was just the right amount of funny to balance out the serious shit. Now it's gotten funny in a much darker way and TBH I'm still recovering.

I am glad that books are a thing and it's possible to just escape the world by reading when it all gets too much.

What is your favourite book to escape with? 

- Bonnee.

Drafts from the past

Today I stumbled upon this annual opportunity with Text Publishing, The Tenth Annual Text Prize, which is taking submissions targeted at children and young adults until 3 February. I am not hopeful, but I thought it would provide some motivation for me to dust off an old manuscript and edit with a goal in mind. 

So I opened my NaNoWriMo project from 2013 for the first time since I last edited it in September 2014. And, yikes. Cringe. I've got a lot of work to do. I would like to think that my writing has come a long way since I first typed out WALLS, but I guess there's a chance I am still as terrible at writing now as I feel I was looking back at that manuscript. 

I am also still job-hunting like a headless chook and working on an academic paper that's due at the end of January, so in all honesty, it's very unlikely I will have edited all 85K+ words of WALLS to the point where I'd be happy to submit it anywhere by the early February deadline. At least I have made a start, and maybe this will get the ball rolling for me again properly. 

Happy New Year. What are you working on? 

Bonnee. 

Gift Ideas for Your Writer Friends

It could be for a birthday, or for Christmas, or a housewarming. At any time of year, there may be an occasion where you need a good gift idea for a writer in your life. It might be a little easier for writers to shop for other writers, but in case any non-writers are out there thinking of gift ideas for their writerly loved-ones, here are some suggestions.

1. Notebooks 

This might seem lame at first, but think outside the box. What does the writer in your life like? Colours? Paterns? Animals? Notebooks come in all shapes and sizes if you know where to look. Here are some of the gems in my collection. 

I prefer to take A4 notebooks to uni or if I'm writing a story by hand, but I also like a notebook that pops. Typo always has great notebooks with funky colours and patterns and quotes. Here's one with shiny pineapples. 

This little guy was a gift from a few years back. My partner found it on Etsy and it's perfect for jotting down little one-liners and ideas. Look out little it is next to my hand!

I got this one for myself earlier in the year when I saw it at Officeworks. The cover is made of wood, with an owl stenciled into it with hot pink card attached to the other side to make it pop, and the branch has a bumpy texture too. I haven't decided what to use this one for yet. Possibly a little writing reflection journal? 

You could also turn this into a budget-friendly gift by putting it together yourself. Get something nice and sturdy for the cover and some craft glue to put the pages in, or if you're feeling super crafty, stitch it together! Mix up the paper you include inside, with some lined, some blank, some grid paper—look for different textures and patterns to make it unique. If you're a bit arty, you could design the cover yourself, or you could decorate it with some funky book coverings. 

2. Stationary.

A lot of writers use a computer these days, but that doesn't stop us carrying around a notebook. And if we have notebooks, we need pens, and possibly other stationary. So get your writer friend some colourful, good quality ball-point pens or gel pens, depending what you think they might be into. Or get them a gift card for their favourite stationary shop, like Smiggle. Typo also does some funky stationary, with novelty pens galore. Personally, I have more pens than I have room for in my pen-jar ... but they're bloody good pens! 

3. Gift vouchers to their favourite book stores. 

People who write books almost definitely read books (and if they don't, they should!). A gift-card to the local Dymocks or Readings store, or their favourite specialty book store, will never go astray. 

4. Subscriptions to literary journals. 

I love seeing writers support other writers and the publications of their local literary industry. Find out what magazines or journals your writer friend might be interested in—just make sure they don't already have that subscription! 

Pro tip: Keep an eye out for subscribe-a-thons; I subscribed to 6 Australian literary journals in October, who were all participating in a discounted joint-membership deal. 

5. Memberships to a writers group or organisation. 

Writing groups and organisations give the opportunity to engage with a wider writing community. Whether it be the writers club at your university, or your state's primary writing organisation—if your writer friend isn't already a member, and you think they'd like to be, sign them up. 

You all know I ran a writers club at my university for a couple of years there. I'm also a member of Writers Victoria, and would never want to stop being a member with them because they run so many excellent events all the time. 

6. Tickets to a workshop, reading, or other writerly event. 

Sometimes, writing groups and organisations run events. Or your local literary festival is just around the corner, and you know your friend would like to go to one of the workshops or attend a certain author's reading. Maybe you could even find something you'll both enjoy and go together! This year I saw Jeanette Winterson read an excerpt from her novel The Gap of Time, following by an entertaining question time at the end. 

7. Send them to a writers retreat. 

If you've got the room to spend big, research writers retreats or residencies that your writerly friend might be interested in. For example, some of the cells at the Old Melbourne Gaol can be hired out as writers' studios, which I think is pretty great and would definitely like to try some time. Maybe the writer in your life would prefer a cabin in a forest, or a little house overlooking the sea. 

So there are a few gift ideas for any occasion your writerly friend might be celebrating. Or if you are a writer, you could use some of these suggestions to treat yo'self. 

What are your favourite gift ideas for writers? 

Bonnee.